The Stupidity of Mechanical Children
by Clarity2199
Summary: Re-edited. K/J, the classic: What happens if these two have to take care of a pretend baby from Health class? This is my rendition, and hopefully a little more realistic than what I've read.


**YUGIOH**

The Stupidity of Mechanical Children

Narr: Plenty of fan fics seemed to have attempted to come up with a yaoi based on dummy child rearing from school. So, I guess this is my version of the oddity of it. The ending has subtle hints at K/J yaoi. But it's nothing blatant or offensive for those who don't believe in it.

"Let's go."

Health was fortunately for Kaiba, the last period of school. Because today he had to be doubly humiliated by not only being paired up with Joey Wheeler for the project, but given what looked like a girl's doll toy with some added mechanics to it. The idea was to take care of it, like it was a real baby....as if he'd allow himself to be made a fool of in that way.

Kaiba had all ready non-ceremoniously shoved the thing into a plastic garbage bag (which he had found in the janitor's closet in school) so as not to be caught anywhere carrying around some nasty-looking girls toy, and was at the moment dragging Joey along with him.

Joey was trying not to trip on his feet while being dragged, since Kaiba was moving so fast, and was trying even harder to not start a fight with his partner. After all, partners were supposed to be the 'parents' of this child, and if they wanted to pass this project they weren't supposed to fight.

"Hey, Kaiba....just a thought, but I don't think yer supposed to take a real child and shove it in a garbage bag." Joey muttered. "That's kinda like abuse....aint it?"

"Well....the next time I find myself carrying a 'real' child, I'll make sure to remember that", Kaiba remarked venomously, as he got into his limo. "Now, get in the car!"

"Keep it down, or you'll start to make the thing cry!" Joey said, as he got in the car.

"Close the door."

The instant Joey closed the door, the car sped off. Joey looked at the bag, muttering. "The teach said one of us gotta stay at the others place for a week for this project. I assume you probably don't wanna be at my house, so that would mean I stay at yours?"

"Don't be stupid." Kaiba muttered.

Joey looked at him blankly and blinked a couple times. He then snapped, "And what the hell does 'that' supposed to mean??"

Instantly, the mechanical baby in the bag began to cry.

Kaiba smirked, amused. "Now, look what you did."

"Shit! And they keep some kind of score on it how many times we make it cry. Dammit, this is your fault!!" Joey snapped.

"Relax, mutt. We'll be getting the perfect score, soon enough." As Kaiba said this, he pulled the thing out of the bag and, found the speaker that the noise came from, and covered it with tissue before wrapping it back up again.

Joey just shook its head. "You know....I don't think you'd make the best Dad in the world."

"Ask me how much how I value your opinion."

The limo soon made it to the mansion, where Kaiba exited the limo, throwing the sack over his shoulder which caused the doll to start crying again.

Joey got out and walked up, saying, "You know, if you bang the thing around too much, it cries, too. Remember that?"

But Joey shut up quickly seeing the strangely evil grin on Kaiba's face, as he muttered, "Don't worry. I'll quiet this thing soon enough."

Kaiba had taken Joey to some room in the mansion which had random electronics scattered every where. It seemed to be some kind of work room. Kaiba had tossed the thing on the work table, causing the bag to scream more as he began to open the bag.

Joey slipped in, not sure what Kaiba was going to do, looking over the area. Kaiba had taken a seat at the work bench, ripping the doll from the bag and removing the tissue....making the crying even louder. Now, Kaiba pulled out a screw-driver, causing Joey to flinch at what was about to transpire.

"Here's the deal, mutt. The teacher has no way of knowing how much time we spent together. All she can go by is from this ridiculous mechanical toy."

Kaiba then sneered psychotically down at the screaming doll, as he pulled a piece off the thing, causing it to now wail. "But if we program this thing to give us the top scores at everything, then she has no choice but to give us both A's for the project. In doing so, we can both easily go on with our lives. You can go back home, I can stay here and shove this thing in a closet until it's time for her to get it back. Neither of us will waste our time dealing with this stupid project. All you have to do is not tell her the truth. Do you think your limited brain cells can handle that?"

Kaiba then picked up another screw-driver, while Joey watched in horror, picturing Kaiba as doctor Frankenstein reconstructing a baby. "Think, mutt....thanks to partnering with me, for once in your life you'll actually get an A."

"Stop it!!" Joey yelled, just as Kaiba turned something that caused the doll to permanently quiet. He ran over and snatched the thing away from Kaiba. "Are you crazy?? You think that's any way to treat a kid? Jesus....you really 'are' a monster, you know that!"

Kaiba crossed his arms, looking at Joey like he's insane. "What in the world are you talking about? Even you can't be stupid enough to think that thing's real."

"That aint the point!", Joey snapped. "We're supposed ta be treating this as if it 'is' real! You wouldn't go all 'mad scientist' if this was a real baby, would ya? I certainly hope not!"

"I'm glad to see you finally got the point. No....I wouldn't. Now, give me the damn doll!"

"No way!" Joey snapped. "Your treating this thing like an abusive parent! If the thing doesn't shut up, you'll 'make' it shut up! Well, I wont let you hurt him! He's my baby, too!"

"....you've got to be kidding me."

"And I aint gonna keep this quiet, neither! So, you can just forget it! Even if I do get a bad grade, I'm still gonna keep it from you so you can't hurt it any more!" Joey then pointed at him, spouting, "You really are a cold-hearted person, you know that? You're....you're a bad parent!"

"Enough!!" Kaiba snapped, standing and staring daggers at him. "You think that stupid thing has the right to determine my parenting skills?? I've all ready been raising Mokuba since I was 8, and he turned out just fine! No one has the right to judge me! Not you, not the teacher, and especially not some ridiculous mechanical Barbie doll!!"

Joey stopped his prattling, as he thought about what Kaiba said. He then lowered the doll, muttering, "Hey, that's right. You've basically been a parent all ready....haven't ya?"

Kaiba sighed, trying to fight back his frustration. "Will you stop being stupid now, and just hand over the doll?"

But Joey pulled it close to him, saying, "But, you haven't really been bringing that kid up since he was a baby! Maybe you can only handle older kids! Either way, I didn't think you were the type to cheat on a project!"

"I will not waste my time on a project that I don't find is worth it. School has no right to judge a person's parenting skills. They're supposed to be teaching education, and this isn't qualified as such. Besides, there is no way I'm going to be seen dead in public, walking around with a screaming girl's child's toy. Now, I'm giving you 3 seconds to hand it over, before I have to hurt you."

"That's what I mean!" Joey said. "You see this as an embarrassment, now! What if it was a real kid? Would you still be satisfied, even if it wasn't the perfect kid for your precious public?? Or maybe you'd be embarrassed by that, too? What if it...."

"Three." Kaiba punched Joey straight in the mouth, and Joey was down for the count. He then calmly picked the doll up, looking over it's electronics....ready to reprogram it.

Unfortunately, for Kaiba....guilt was now beginning to set in. 'Dammit, I hate dogs.' Kaiba thought, his eye beginning to twitch. He glared back down at Joey on the floor....his mouth bleeding. As he did, he pictured that Joey was supposed to be some kind of 'couple' to him, due to this project.

He hated the picture Joey had somehow began to pound into his brain. His supposed husband/wife on the floor knocked out by him, while he's dissecting their supposed kid. 'It's not REAL!!!' He screamed in his brain, looking at the toy baby again with even greater hate. The guilt was screaming louder in his ear than any crying fit that this mechanical doll could ever muster.

Kaiba presently abandoned the doll, now going on his knees as he looked over the bruise on Joey's lip. 'He deserved it', he tried to tell himself, but it wasn't working. He didn't believe in starting violence....his talents were only supposed to be used for self-defense. But Joey always had a way of making him so frustrated, and over something so stupid. This was no different.

"I'm sorry." He quietly muttered, only saying so because Joey was unconscious and wouldn't hear it. He wiped the blood from his lip, as Joey began to stir.

"Uh....duh....you get the number of that bus....??" Joey muttered, totally dazed.

Another sigh escaped Kaiba's lips. He returned to the doll, giving Joey time to recover. But instead of reprogramming it, he simply reset it and closed it back up.

Joey began to get back up, as realization hit him, now. "Hey, you bastard! You hit me!!"

"Here!" Kaiba snapped, shoving the doll at him.

Joey blinked, looking at the doll, then at a very angry-looking Kaiba.

"You win." Kaiba stated, darkly. "You can stay here, and take care of this stupid plastic doll. If you want to tell the teacher I wanted no part of it, then go ahead....I could care less if I lose a grade on such a ridiculous project. My reputation to Kaiba Corp comes first, and I'm standing behind that. Now, take it and get out of my sight!"

"You mean that?" Joey asked, totally stunned. How did things get so turned around? He remembered Kaiba had won that argument and fight with one hit. Plus, nothing normally changes Kaiba's mind.

"Do you honestly think I wouldn't say it, if I didn't mean it?" Kaiba asked.

Joey grinned, saying, "Well....thanks, man! Maybe you're not so bad, after all." He then held out his hand to shake. "Friends?"

"You're can't be serious." Kaiba hissed, glaring coldly down at him.

Joey smirked. "Would I say it if I didn't mean it?"

"And I've all ready told you geeks more than enough times, I don't want friends! Now, get out!!" Kaiba snapped.

Joey turned, heading out of the room with the plastic doll. "Geez....ya didn't have to be such a jerk about it."

Kaiba hated Joey. He was not someone that could ever beat him in anything. Yet, somehow this guy always managed to push his buttons, make him react, make him change his mind on things.......

....make him feel.

"I hate you." He muttered silently, still with the strange remembrance of touching Joey's lips, wiping the streak of blood from them. The same smear of blood that was still on his thumb.

Kaiba turned back to his work table, slowly licking the residue of blood from his thumb, while trying not to think.

....maybe some time this week, he could help Joey a little bit with this ridiculous doll project. He didn't like getting bad grades, after all.

END

Narr: I guess I kinda made this short to kinda make fun of the stories that came up with the whole doll rearing romance-thing. They always seemed too sappy and ridiculous to me. So, mine probably angled more towards humor, because of the fact. Hope you liked it.


End file.
